Down
by Eleantris
Summary: Yes, the Doctor had fallen...At first, for her, for everything she was. He had fallen in love. But now, this was different. He was just falling, falling and falling into the darkness. And she wasn't there to catch him anymore: his Rose. Songfic. 10/Rose.


_**Well, I haven't written anything for Doctor Who in quite a while now, but I heard this song on the new Anberlin album, and couldn't resist writing a short songfic to it for the Doctor and Rose. These are just a few of the Doctor's thoughts, ideally set after what he did at the end of The Waters of Mars. I hope you like it and please review!**_

_**X =D**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own Doctor Who...I don't even own a cyberman helmet! Though my friend does, maybe I'll steal it...mwahahahaha! :P**_

_**Down**_

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She would have stopped him from becoming this, just as she stopped him from being what he had been. A monster – a man filled with rage, and fire, and hatred and a heated desire for revenge. She had changed that. She had run with him, explored the stars and marvelled at wonders with him. She had changed him – had changed him into the man he knew he was now: kind, benevolent, filled with mercy instead of anger. But he was losing that, because he lost her... He had been a cursed man, haunted by the things he had done, the sins of his past. But that was forgotten, because she had come along. His Rose. She would have hated what he was becoming, what he was changing back into. She would have stopped him. But she wasn't beside him anymore.

_You would have loved who I used to be_

_Yesterday, I would have hated the boy you see_

_When you found me I was at my worst_

_The best I was is a long forgotten curse_

She had held his hand and promised she would stay with him forever; she had told him she loved him, once. He wished there had been opportunity for her to say it again, and again, and again. So that maybe, he would be able to say it in return. She had walked straight into his life, just as he was losing sight of everything. He had grabbed hold of her hand and just told her, 'Run'. And she had done exactly that, never stopping, never wanting to. He had loved it, had loved _her_. But now, he felt like he was drowning in guilt, the raw reality of what he had done crashing down onto him. He had broken the rules, had changed a fixed point in time...She would have stopped him from doing that. She always knew when to tell him enough was enough; he needed her. But he couldn't reach her.

_You caught me on the way down_

_Please hold my hand before I drown_

_Tie my hands before I bury this town_

_You caught me on the way down..._

This was wrong. Everything was wrong. He stared at the empty interior of the TARDIS, silence ringing in his ears. It wasn't right. There should be someone here, someone to fill the silence with laughter, someone to dance around the controls with him, making jokes, screaming in excitement. She should be here, with him, holding his hand just like she always used to. More than anything, he wished he could just apologize to her, wished he could say sorry for all the planets she would never see, all the dangers they would never face. It was his fault. If he had just been a bit cleverer, a little bit quicker, a little bit smarter, this wouldn't have happened. But he had lost her, just like he lost them all, eventually. And now, now he felt old. No, worse than that, he felt old and tired. Tired of being this, tired of doing this...For the first time in a long time, he didn't want to be _him_ anymore.

_Feel like a shell of yester-years gone by_

_Bad decisions like ghosts that just won't die_

_I'm so sorry that I can't apologize_

_For what comes next is another long goodbye_

He had grown too old, too tired. It was time to die – time for this version of him to die, at least. Maybe it would be a good thing. He was exhausted, haunted by memories of things he couldn't reach, things he couldn't have. Like her. He had started to make mistakes, to lose sight of what was right. Maybe, he thought, maybe it was finally time to say goodbye. For a moment, he allowed himself to think of all of them – Martha, Donna, Astrid, Christina, Adelaide... Brilliant as they were, all in their own right, they were all pale in comparison to her. She stood, shining bright above the rest of them, with her wide grin, laughing eyes and trusting soul. His Rose. It was time to say goodbye to them all... but not her. He couldn't ever, ever, no matter how he changed or what he did, he couldn't move on from her. It was strange, he thought...He'd never thought of himself as a 'one and done' sort of man, or a falling in love sort of man at all, for that matter... But it seemed, she was his one. And he was done. Done with this, done with it all, done with himself. It was time to move on.

_You caught me on the way down_

_Honey, honey_

_Please hold my hand before I drown_

_Tie my hands before I burn this town_

_You caught me on the way down_

She was beautiful. She was brilliant. She was amazing, and clever, and funny, and gorgeous, and quick-witted. And she had been his, his Rose. But not anymore. Nothing belonged to him anymore; there was no-one's hand to hold. He was drowning, and she wasn't there to stop him. He was burning inside, crippled by what he had done as he thought of all the things he had changed, the dominos he had knocked over – tiny things he had changed which would, eventually, turn into big things... Things he was sure he didn't have the strength left to fight anymore.

Yes, the Doctor had fallen...At first, for her, for everything she was. He had fallen in love. But now, this was different. He was just falling, falling and falling into the darkness. He was on the way down and this time, there was no-one to catch him. Because she wasn't with him anymore...

_You caught me on the way down_

_Oh, honey_

_Please hold my hand before I drown_

_Tie my hands before I burn this town_

_You caught me on the way down..._

...His Rose.

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_**Thanks for reading, I hope it was okay and please review! As I said, I haven't written any Doctor Who stuff in a long time, so I'd love to know what you think!**_

_**X =D**_


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